All, hell, can't stop us now. repeated 5 times, cymbals, song ends.

aggression.

another favourite subject of mine. without aggression, there is nothing. no existence. We weren't meant to live in harmony, everyone getting along with one another. it is not natural. But then neither is nuclear war. yet we try to prevent it. another man-made tool of fear, much like god. god, pfffft, I really care about not giving two shits to the subject, don't I? ah well, as long as the thought of god keeps people from committing rapes and murders. oh, wait, snap :D.

Coming back to aggression. I have twice in my life been so angry that I have not cared about personal harm, but just wanted to hurt other people as much as I could possibly. and twice in my life, I have been really scared, that I would hurt myself. no surprise, the latter had to do with women. I can't ever hit a woman. I just wish there were women who didn't take advantage of that. My new technique of grabbing and holding tight seems pretty successful. keeps me from wanting to hurt myself, stops me from hurting a girl.

When I actually look back, I'm very emotional. scarily so. and if you were to see me when I wasn't upset, you would never believe it is the same guy. actually, nobody does. apparantly it's all an act. something I'm happy to let everyone believe. don't want them thinking I'm vulnerable now, do we. can't be no stud then.

being a man is hard. ur expected to be everything. can't get away with anything.

rich enough so ur woman never has to work and can shop all day. yet, not be materialistic...

be really erect every single time you see her naked. but have a highly suppressed libido when it comes to any other female on the planet... seriously, can't check anyone out...

be the bad boy who turns his woman on, you know, the leather clad, muscled beast who is great in bed. while being sensitive to the womans feelings and making sure her dad likes you.

it's frustrating. but it's a job i don't mind. I like feeling like a man . a proper man. the feeling you get when you know its not just the cock that hangs between your legs that makes you one.

I'm a kid trapped in an ageing man's body. fuck. I'm 24. when and how did that happen. at 18, I couldn't wait to get older. now it's like WTF. I call 40 year old people by their first name. shocking.

aggression. yeah. the purpose of this post. Don't have it. be calm like the earth. but when the time is right, and when it is needed, do what is needed.

smoke some ganja

i find solace in pure music. music that clearly reflects the artists mindset, no matter how juvenile it is.

ok, how about books. In my opinion, there are two aspects to writing. My opinion means fuck all, but here it is.

1) story

2) writing skill

story> skill

you could be a great writer, but if you don't have a good story, its similar to a beautiful voice reading out the station announcements.

However, if you have a great story. people will go out of the way to understand you.

its the same with music. Great talent with an instrument, but weak song. meh. conviction in a song, but limited talent? not bad.

I wish I had more class and sophistication and the aura well-read kids have about them. Also, I'm forever happy. what the fuck is up with that. Sadness never fuckin killed anyone. ah.

im growing up. and it sucks. I miss my bike, my car, my freedom (i have financial freedom now, but have lost other kinds of freedom. can't act stupid. have a job to protect. can't risk my health, have a girlfriend to protect etc etc).

ive started drinking evian. my parents would freak out if they knew I was spending this much on water. its a lot of money. im a hollow shell. happy and ignorant. stopped reading ever since it became the 'thing' to do. the means to fit in with an elite well read european crowd and a then demanding girlfriend for whom I was not well read enough. miss it.

miss my country too. there really is no place like home.

i think its time to be a little less superficial and a little more me. .that was a sucky post. no humour. no nuffin.

knock knock, who's there? nidhaan. nidhaan who? your daddy.

Hello motherfuckers

Yes, its happened again. I'm all alone. Miss Kisunja has left me, or rather I left her in a different country, but don't worry, she'll be back.

I just had the awesomest trip to Rossiya, my job is going great (the bosses like me), I'm madly in love with a little kitten. So lets make this post about the obvious, shall we. STINK.

not only is the word an incredibly wonderful one to say (say it with me, 'stink'). It has this X factor; but the nature of what it describes is so powerful. Stink will always garner more attention than a good scent. Everyone expects the smell to be good, so when it smells like ass (anything, you, me, the town...) people pay attention.

That in itself, is my thesis on human behavior. There are two main conclusions to be drawn from it.

1) No matter how good you are, you will always grab more attention bing bad. Nobody ever reported on a scientist getting a minor breakthrough on the front page of any paper. Nobody gives a fuck about any honest young hard-working man who worked on fleet street. Its the stinks who get the fame.

2) All humans are assholes. We like to be better than everyone else. but, not only is it more convenient, but we truly enjoy being superior by making someone else feel inferior rather than just shining brighter than everyone else. I know of that. I once used to 'rule' an online forum :D. I have plenty of people who hate me (and for good reason) for I was an arrogant little pipsqueak who, using his genetically gifted wit and would amuse himself and others by ripping on anyone who had a different opinion.

On that positive note, its time to talk about relationships. my relationship in particular since I have no interest in yours.

I love my girlfriend, to bits. literally. I think I hugged her too hard and yesterday she kind of crumbled. I can't stop thinking about her, so I'm sorry but this awesome post will have to stop now. I had plenty of insightful comments to make (seriously) about human nature, behavior and teenage angst, but all that will have to wait for some time while I look at her pictures for a while.

My new year wish is that I wish to know more about my girlfriend. She has her secrets. Wish I knew all of them so I could keep my mind at ease knowing that I really will have a future with her. I would never leave her for anything she did/ that happened to her in the past, but knowing that there could be something and the uncertainty around it takes a toll on me. We'll have the cutest kids.

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stringbean

that really is a weird title for an entry right? i mean, who would ever title a blog 'stringbean'. it would have to be someone who is so far ahead in his thinking, a complete visionary. thats me. i mean think about it, thus far, you the reader have read this bullshit, and there has been absolutely no talk about beans.

anyway, bet it got your attention. mission accomplished.

the main purpose of this entry was to announce this kickass upcoming movie titled Kisunja 2 . Return of the kitten. releasing tomorrow, this movie promises to bring with it, a lot of action, a lot of passionate sexual encounters, and a great nights sleep.

Racism

It is frightening to believe that people in this world still believe that race has anything to do with nationality. And I mean, these are educated bright and learned people. scary. my girlfriend believes that anybody who was born and brought up in russia, but is not from a traditional russian race, is not russian in the true sense. I agree with most of what she says, but that was a shocking statement.

It makes me feel bad for russian people, and more importantly russian ethnic minorities, as well as for all mankind. backward thinking in a forward era. what is more surprising is that these are the same russian kids who can't sing their own russian national anthem. i mean, one would believe that if ur so proud of being russian, and being white and everything, ud atleats have enough nationalistic devotion to learn the frikkin anthem.

race is one thing, and culture is another. there are indians who have been born and brought up in the uk for 2 generations who look indian, have indian names, but are as far away from being indian as is humanly possible. race, and culture. two separate things.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRScPVDSD6k&feature=related

its funny and sad, how people hate other people because of their nationality, or colour of the skin or language. it is sad.

whats funnier is, that these are the same people who go to church, and apparently are devoted followers of god and live life on the true path. was hitler a good guy? no. do people love him and remember him fondly? no. he could do something about his hatred, and he did, and the world was never the same again. what makes the average racist, who hangs out with his other friends and beats up people just because they may have another faith, or language or skin tone any different from that bastard? they are just as despicable. plus they can never be respected, cause they aren't even good at hating.

now don't get me wrong, every russian isn't an asshole. there will always be assholes in every country, but it is still shocking that a country that likes to think of itself as a superpower has a youth that is so mentally un-developed. Lux is wonderful, smart, intelligent, everything. but some of the other cunts you get to see on TV seem like they are money-hungry, US crazy assholes. sad. and pathetic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79wU5B6hAEQ&feature=related

It is not uncommon for russian guys to go "I hate indians/pakistanis/niggers/chinese" according to my research on russia(limited to youtube). dude. when has pakistan ever done anything to you? or india? all we do is give you billions of dollars to buy defence equipment from you (because, would you believe it, thats the only industry Russia excels in. apart from oil and gas, which they didnt have to work too hard to acquire).

I only feel pity for the country as a whole that its youth is like this. the man makes the country, and if this is what this country is made of, then it is bound to deteriorate.

The canadians, UK, US, even Australia has been very good to immigrants. relatively. check out their economies now.

With incredible PR like this, who would want to ever visit Russia? I mean, sure I'm scared of being beaten to death, but more importantly, I am bound to find the people of that country mentally sick.

Lux herself told me, if you speak english, its ok, but any other language and ul be treated badly. what is this mad obsession with the west? It makes me really happy to be from India, where we actually embrace all religions, and languages (don't get me wrong. there are assholes everywhere).

we actually like the russians, and amire the fact that they continue to speak, learn and advocate their own language and culture....

but still sad. when the youth of the country is not interested in politics, and running the country, and the class divide and corruption is this much, this country, this magnificent magnificent country, with such rich history, will eventually end up going to the dogs. and the reality is, that it already is there, and needs to come out. Russia, imho lacks nothing, but the youth to wake up for it to rule the world. until then, they will always end up being the butt of all jokes. i mean seriously, although those "in sovviet rrrussia.....vodka drink you" jokes might be funny, i cant imagine any russian looking at that not being affected. and the truth is, that there are plenty of young russian people who are not affected by it, and are ready to blame the whole fucking world but themselves for their plight.

I know its wrong to say this, but it makes me love my country more now that i see so many things that we have, that other people in the world don't have.

Lux once told me, that russians perceive india to be like the worker ant factory. u know, the cheap place to get everything done. im happier hearing this, knowing that there are youngsters, more and more, who want to eb engineers, doctors, lawyers, to the extent that people perceive us to be like that. fuck the UK, they ruled over us for 400 odd years. we can still fuck them up whenever we need to.

India not only has cultural diversity, we love other cultures and languages. its this zen like thinking, the attitude of live and let live that I have now realised that I love about my country.

At the end of the day, i know this sounds like a miss world pageant answer, but i hope that we can all love one another, respect each others faith, country, language and live in peace and cohabit this planet in a mutually beneficial way.

I don't hate russians. I love russians, love their heritage, culture and language. I just hate the assholes in russia, much like i hate the assholes in India, US, Australia, everywhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQde-vHlLh8&feature=related

and when you can't sing your national anthem, recall the true history of your country, name some war heros from your country, but want to beat up people cause of the colour of their skin, even though they are fucking contributing to your economy, you aren't being nationalistic, you're not patriotic, you're just racist.

sport

I was just reminded of this debate I had with lux a couple of days ago.....

about how she can't respect people who race around for a living. because they don't contribute to humanity. she condemns sportsmen too. all of them except long distance runners and sprinters.

its easy to put anybodys profession down, or diss someone. especially if ur not aware of what they do, why they do it and what effect it has on everybody else.

aerobatic flying and air races.

had those nutters not been craving for speed, and the ability to out manoeuvre their opponents, we could never have had the engines we have today. the aircraft engines of today are something amazing. compare today with a day 50 years ago. thats it. 50. you can get around the world in less than 24 hours thanks to those non-respectable buggers flying their machines out of their skin. aviation as we know it today stems purely from the world war era, and of the air race era before that. man has always wanted to go faster, fly higher, reach for the stars.

had those motherfuckers not been whizzing around in their tiny incredibly dangerous little prop planes, we would have no space program. most of the aeronautical engineering that we know today is a direct lesson of that era.

everyday, people can get into their cars and drive safely to work at a nominal cost. nominal, because the car itself doesnt cost that much (its the oil, that we've seen for millions of years thats the problem). My friend had an accident. crashed his car into the barrier, survived thanks to airbags, a crumple zone in his front fender and a safety catch in his fuel pump. all these innovations come from formula 1 racing.

these racecar drivers wanted to make 1 litre of petrol last longer so theyd have to wait longer to refuel, and thereby beat their opponents. this led to sevaral automotive engineers struggling to make engines more powerful and efficient. remember the mileage a car used to give 30 years ago? now think of the modern car. 5 times as powerful, 5 times less thirsty. all thanks to formula 1 racing.

innovations all around us. things that make us more efficient, faster, economical can source their origin to one of two things: sports or war. case in point- the jet engine.

today Lux is 3 hours away from home because the nazi bastards made a plane that could fly faster than a prop. this brings me to my other debate.

sports is war. but not as bloody. man, of all shapes, colours and form, is competitive. even if everything was ok, everyone had food, shelter whatever, some bastard would come up and start attacking the other guys to gain more. greed, aggression and ruthlessness is an integral part of the homo sapien. now that we have organised sports, most people who in barbaric times would have attacked each others countries and gone to war now support their world cup teams in soccer. hilarious? am i retarded? yes and no. think about it. ever wonder why there are stadium fulls of people who wear their colours, yell and scream and dance their victory dance when their player scores a goal. well, is it so far removed from the thousands of soldiers on a battlefield wearing their army uniforms carrying their nations flags battling each other.

we are human, we want to feel superior to other humans. wars in the past have not been purely for survival. no. a kingdom who was at peace. had all the natural resources it could need, still had a massive armies and occupied territories it could easily do without. why? because they could.

we are assholes. all of us. thats the beauty of the human race. sports just gives us a place to vent our aggression, where millions of people dont die. thats the beauty of sports.

ever wondered why the olympic games came into being in ancient greece? some crazy motherfucker like me realised that instead of fighting wars, lets just let athletes sort this shit out. so different 'countries' trained their athletes....spent money on them, the athletes were a source of pride for a nation, they commanded certain respect. they competed in sports which required the athletes to have the same abilities that a soldier would need in war. speed (sprinting), strength (weight lifting), stamina(long distance running), accuracy with a weapon(archery) etc...........

the wars of today are complicated. now we have sophisticated weapons. fighter aircraft that require skill, and the clarity of thought that is required at mach 2 to act and win. thus we have high speed racing.

speed, skill, patience, brute strength, strategy are all integral to the sports we see today.

football can bring nations together, unite people of different class, creed and colour. fuck that, u can have a kid in south africa, india, russia and greece supporting the same team. might not speak the same language, different lives, culture etc....but when the motherfuckers scores....they all jump together. that is fuckin beautiful.

now im not saying that all sportsmen have these noble intentions of bringing the world together in peace and harmony. no. they do it cause they like it. football, racing, flying is their passion. just like lux's passion can be money, security, stability. if she can follow her passions, why should these athletes not follow theirs.

fuck that. golf. golf requires no skill, strength, speed, accuracy....right? just go to a golfcourse once and swing at a ball. ul realise what its all about.....

its so easy to diss someone else, their passions, their beliefs.

any athlete can come up to me and tell me that i am nothing but a guy who takes other peoples money and bets with it to make money for myself. he wouldn't be far from the truth. he can go to lux and tell her that she works towards making companies more efficient. by making them more streamlined, so people lose jobs, automation takes over. and these companies can make more profit, and their ceo's take home a bigger bonus while their marketing campaigns helps them charge a higher price for the same goods.

who is right, and who is wrong?

no one.

we should all go after what we want. Mr. Valentino Rossi wants to be the best racer ever, be the best of the best, be internationally famous.....he goes for it. and does it. i want to be rich, i should go for it too.

it doesn't fuckin matter what u do. just do what u do to the best of ur ability. have ur own goals and fulfil ur ambitions.

btw, u know the one reason why i like sports. its the desire to be the best. to have no equal, in the world.. combination of speed, skill, talent, endurance and effort.

rossi, has 5 world titles. more money than god. more fans than anyone else. he is racing his team mate lorenzo in this clip. lorenzo has 1 world title. team mates. talented. but the desire to win is so strong in both of them. winning, being the best matters more to them than money, fame, publicity, whatever. that is what makes them great. check my lord and master Valentino Rossi in this clip.

whole race gone by.....last 2 laps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HvvnpGgEKg&feature=related

wow.

at that last lap. each of them had only one thing in mind. winning. not the money. not the fame. but being able to control a machine that does 350 km/h better than the other guy. to be able to control a machine at 200km/h at a turn where they are leaning their bikes at 50 degrees and still out-think anyone else. that is something...