could it be could it be
that you're joking with me
and you don't really see you with me.

you always end up paying a price for being genuine. an illusion is what the world wants. give it to them. everyone must fit into a stereotype. you can be an individual, as long as you fit into a character dreamt/ fantasized about.

women. they want everything. they want a ripped 6' 2" stud with a 8" dick and knows how to use it, who is a complete bad boy. gets into fights (and wins), is aggressive, both in his demeanor and in bed, and doesn't take any shit from anyone, and earns a shit load of money cause he's intelligent and hardworking and really funny. added talents like being able to serenade her are optional but not essential. yet at the same time is super sensitive, never raises his voice when he's talking to her, caters to her every whim like a pet poodle, and can take endless crap dished out by her without losing his cool. its not realistic.

guys. they want everything. they want a 5' 8" woman with beautiful hair, head-turning looks and a super-models figure (but with bigger boobs), who earns a lot of money cause she's intelligent, is a supportive girlfriend and wife who never puts any pressure on you to earn too much as long as you're happy, can cook wonderfully well, is dynamite in bed and will try every nasty little thing he can think of, and will let him spend his money on things he wants, like bikes and cars. its not realistic.

here lies the problem. its never going to happen. if the chicks hot, she cooks awful, or not too bright, or not very loving/caring. if she's sweet, she is useless in bed. if a guys ultra aggressive, he's in jail, and won't earn any money. if he's calm, and a wimp, she won't find him hot and go and fuck some guy who is ripped, while still living with the wimp because he earns a lot of money and gives her security.

unless everyone starts wanting a little less, nobody is going to be happy. and the moment that happens, there is no motivation to improve, there is no progress in life, their is no self improvement, there is nothing. unless we want, we can never get, innovate, achieve.

its all messed up.

yay yay yay.
yay yay yay.
yay yay yay yay yay yay yay.

theres just one day,
thats all thats left,
between me and she tucked in a bed.

sing it with me!

theres just one day,
thats all thats left,
between me and she all tucked in a bed.

we shall be,
so carefree,
for it will be a whole month,
that we've not seen,
each other
and now it seems,
wild horses,
couldn't pull her away from me.

silly song. but.....

yay yay yay.
yay yay yay.
yay yay yay yay yay yay yay.

?!

why do we do these thing?
these stupid stupid things.....
when you're doing them, hell before you do them. you know its not a good idea. its really stupid. there is not one positive outcome from doing it. you're only going to hurt yourself if you do it. yet you still do it. do you hate yourself? do you think that if you get hurt its a punishment and you deserve it? nobody deserves shit. you deserve to be happy, as does everybody. and everybody should actively work towards becoming happy. your unhappiness will not contribute towards anothers happiness. if you've wronged somebody. move on. learn your lesson. become a better human being, and help the world. you'll end up helping that person. and if not, you'll be dead tired to care. so win-win. Be nice. Be calm. Be alive. Be you, minus the crap.

I start this post like I start all my posts. With no idea of what I'm going to write about.

steam locomotives, dentists, 5 days 15 hours, oral sex, orange and lime juice (94% orange, 1 % lime. and they have the balls to call that orange and lime), 1 huge huge bowl of pasta, wilson N 135, caterham 7, money, cars, driving at 4 am, long and fast roads, no traffic, no speed limits. thats what I'm thinking about. along with fair to midland, helhammer, venom, emperor and calf muscles.

I have finally realised what I need in my life to be really happy.

Sexy woman who lets me blow all my money on fancy cars (or car, depending on how much money I have). an open road. an intelligent funny companion who doesn't mind being woken up at 3.30 in the morning and picked up and thrown into the passenger seat of a caterham 7 to go for a really fast drive to someplace quiet and serene and beautiful as dawn breaks. good food. good house.

I already have the rest.

-raw talent for many things. *check* (no this is not me being arrogant. well it is. but i like to think of it as justifiable arrogance)

-looks. (see its all subjective at the end of the day, isn't it. I'm a piece of art. hopefully not modern art).

-humour. check. i crack myself up easily.

-intelligence. debatable, but i do show bright sparks sometimes.

most importantly, I'm a genuinely good guy. I used to fight a lot. my parents have come more times to meet my principal in school than to pick me up. i have plenty of 'gangsters in training'....(u know the kids or semi-adults who come from a family of thugs, or whose elder brothers are dealers) who hate my guts, and would like to see nothing better than my lifeless body lying on a roadside. I have some serious 'back', you know, big shot gangsters who are my uncles, and their 'gangster in training' kids as my cousins. but all in all, I wouldn't hurt a fly. not unless it hurt me. and then I'd destroy it, and everything about it. and everything around it. and everything it stood for. I'm a good guy. I try really hard to be. but honestly, there are things about me, that are not very pleasent. I've been known to run 3 km just to get a girl an umbrella because it started raining, and start fighting because a guy swerved in front of me and braked abruptly, while he was still a good 3 car lengths away. but yeah. all in all. im a good, nice guy with firm values and respect and love for his family.

I can do 180's and J starts in my moms car, and can scare the shit out of my friends while i drive them and take my grandma to hospital and her her say that i'm the only one she's ever been comfortable sitting in the car with. i rock. woohoo. and less than a week to go. i can not begin to describe how lonely i have been for almost a month now. all the company in the world couldn't replace my best friend, my kitten.

music, bands, and advice

she was right.
she was so right.

i was going to try to sleep. i would fail. i would switch on my computer.

how did she know. and its not that i'm using this as an excuse to wake up. i just can't sleep. im so tired, yet, i refuse to drift of to sleep. listening to enigma :D. don't ask me why. something about them is unique.something about them is different. haven't heard 'silence must be heard' for 9 years now. the strangest things come back to you when u want to sleep, but can't. slipping into 'return to innocence :D'- love devotion emotion feeling!

my mom likes some enigma songs. my street cred (if i had any) is ruined if this blog goes public !!!

no. seriously. what is it about music that even if you don't want it to, it retains this hold on you. you may think you've forgotten a song. you hear it somewhere, you start singing it because even though you never memorised the lyrics, they stuck.

before sleeping, i heard bands i love, but never bothered to collect their songs, or couldn't find them. fugazi, black flag, the clash, the dillinger escape plan, and bhayanak maut- kickass generic indian metal. i was so inspired, i uploaded bhayanak maut tracks for lux to hear. if these idiots sang clean, she would prefer them over katatonia, the most incredibly average band of all times.

which got me thinking about a debate we had. about bands that were gay.like, they aren't bad bands.......its just that i don't expect any straight guy with reasonable levels of testosterone to like them. they are a bit like rohans 'passion' poster. ok. pretty flower, whatever, but no straight guy is going to have that on his wall. poets of the fall was the band in question that time. ooooh "carnival of rust" wow!!! the most mediocre song on the planet, from a below average band.

there are more bands like these. plenty. i have nothing against them. i just don't listen to the half baked garbage they produce. they cater to people unlike me. im not saying i have great taste in music, but i know what i like and what i don't. trust me, i thought that poets of the fall might be bearable live. THEY SUCK! hmmmm taken enough of a piss on poets of the fall. lets get to some other bands.....we have greenday catering to the homos who like to meet guys with pink hair, we have bands like 12 stones (or something like that), Mc fly, simple plan....all catering to teenage girls with eating disorders and bad grades. we have the pop brigade of the metal world. the first band that comes to mind is trivium. 1 decent song. 1. thats it. crap crap crap. we have lordi (fuck they are bad), sonic syndicate ( every 14 year old wannabe goth chicks dream. nobody else though, not unless rohan starts listening to britney spears metal), slipknot (how do i abuse thee, let me count the ways.....ok.1,2,3,4,5.........).....fuck. I'm not saying "become mayhem", but atleast do what you do with conviction. if you want to tear the stage with gut busting riffs, make them good. dont play with passion and emotion. if you want to write beautiful words and serenade your girlfriend, dont try to be fuckin uber-methull \m/ and make a fool of yourself. trivium. aaaaarggghhhh. talented musicians. talentless band. slipknot - 10 people with the equivalent talent of 1 man. joey jordison can suck my balls. there, i said it.

sonic syndicate. where do i begin. they have this \m/ song. when i heard the title, i was like fuck. ,maybe they don't suck donkeyball afterall. man was i wrong.



the awesome lyrics to their awesomly metal song "rebellion in nightmareland"

"You think you can shield your heart from me?
The dots connected and now I see
How I regret we shared fruit from the forbidden tree
I was entertained to a degree
But now you have your hooks too deep in me"


the title sounds like they deserve the title of "most metal band ever". btw, the song gets even more 'atski'

"The only dream we ever shared was a nightmare
The only being you ever cared about was yourself
This war was lost before it began
I'll pull my fail-safe, launch my plan
And once the dust settles
You wish you would be..."

wow. that gets a tear to my eye. for the wrong reason ofcourse.
there are other \m/ melodic death metal gems from this band ofcourse (they aren't a one puke wonder) .........

only inhuman-the lyrics made me puke. and the funniest shit is that these lyrics are growled out like the vocalist would have no problem kicking a baby and ripping a dogs heart out and eating it. but his lyrics translated are "me pussy ok?"

psychic suicide \m/ -
"I recognized your scars, because I have them too
It cured my contamination to speak of each other's misery"

"ALONE AGAIN IN MY BROKEN DREAMS
WHAT IS LOVE IF NOT A PSYCHIC SUICIDE
ALONE AGAIN IN MY RESTLESS DREAMS
LOVE IS NOTHING BUT A PSYCHIC SUICIDE " profound.

burn this city \m/ -

"Are we alive?
Because I heard a rumor
That the day we died was yesterday
So are we rotting now?
Can't find our graves?" i am left speechless.

double agent 616 -

"I took the fall and on came all the changes
Work your way through the cold shell of my heart
Just to find another layer of stone waiting
I know I'm not a good man, I never was and I never will" suck.my.balls.

ok. vented my frustration. the truth is that i only picked these songs which had the most \m/ metal\m/ names and really shitty 12 year old lyrics. their other songs are at par.....crap.

All the bands i listen to, are average, bad, shit in some way. but they make up for it in different areas. even if its just the passion with which they play their shit. without conviction, there is nothing.

you need balls. you need convistion. otherwise you're a guy going through life wearing a tattoo sleeve. trying to be cool. trying to be something you aren't with everyone laughing at you, or worse politely ignoring you but sniggering behind your back, or worst ignoring you completely.

i dont know whose benefit i wrote that for. future me, if you're reading this, wake up. if you become a half-baked pussy. shoot yourself. you're better off dead.

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
Do you, do you, do you, do you
Know what you doing, doing to me?

Could it be, could it be,
That you're joking with me
And you don't really see you with me
Could it be, could it be,
That you're joking with me
And you don't really see you with me.

my songs changed now. I think the chorus is fine. the second verse could easily be deleted. we don't need no second chorus. I ain't got no second chorus today baby.

मेरी यह मनोकामना है, की मैं ढोल रोज़ बजाऊं। मुझे एक अच्छा गाना सुनने को मिलता है, तभ मुझे उसे गाने का, और उसके साथ ढोल बजाने का बहुत मन करता है।
मुझे आज गाने सुनते हुए बहुत मज़ा आ रहा है। आज मैं कैसर चीफ्स के गाने सुन रहा हूँ। लक्स, मुझे पता है की तुम बहुत प्यारी हो। हाँ, अभी तुम यह गूगल ट्रांस्लाते पे पढ़ रहे हो, और इसे अंग्रेजी मैं कहते हैं "busted"।

the awesomest photograph ever.

well, I'm in it. so it can't be bad.


yes. I'm not that pretty. but I'm with her, so........I must be really rich, or really well equipped, or something....... :D

if we look retarded, its not our fault. i was dropped on my head as a baby. and she's been spending a lot of time in my company. this picture was the highlight of my day. possibly week. but not more than a fortnight.

dammit lux! i hate you. why did u have to let me know u read this. now i'm constantly thinking that if I write something sweet, ul think its for ur benefit. aaaaaarghhhh. muah.